A Nascent Flame: An Exclusive Self-talk with Anam Fatima, Author of Nascent Poetry

Writing a book and getting it published is not an everyday occurrence. It's perseverance at the face of crumbling hopes, believing in dawn while surrounded with darkness, tasting the sweetest and the sourest fruits of solitude at the same instant, roving the boat of life using two contradictory handles, optimism and depression, attaining a sane level of madness, finding solace in silence and such likes.

Hereby I am getting engaged in a series of self talks.

Dear reader, hope this reading becomes beneficial to you.

With the publication of your third book, you might have started feeling like a writer? Isn't it?

I don't know what it feels like to be a writer. But yes, I feel way too much. I was doubtful about my poetic abilities until the day my mom said 'have you lost your mind?'. Madness is truly a litmus test to be a poet.

Going back to the year 2010,

Talking about the beauty of things that happen for the first time,

The first sight of my books was a magical moment that pushed some tears off my eyes.

And seeing Nascent Poetry was indeed the most comforting moment of my life, like a mother when she sees her infant for the first time. The intensity was greater because I had to wait for extra 20 days to see it in reality.

But honestly, I don’t know how a writer is supposed to feel. I just feel like I always feel, choosing the back benches, staying quiet and pretending to be unattached from the whereabouts of the world, guarding my treasurable thoughts and cushioning myself with the comfort of simplicity. From being an unabashed child I have become a shy adult. I run to the deepest portion of my house, the moment a stranger knocks, contrary to my childhood days when I would grab all chances to run outside and play.

I love to surprise people with things they couldn’t believe I can do. Wearing a hijab opens up a new set of stereotypes. A guy on LinkedIn sent me message expressing the extreme surprise on seeing a girl with a hijab, aspiring to be a writer. He said it’s really rare. Unfortunately hijab makes people think of oppression, when it’s a sign of freedom, freedom to limit the eyes that want to fall over a Muslimah.

And yes, I like anonymity. There’s freedom in it. Fame is not my cup of tea.
Also, unlike other poets, I am not that well read. I tortured myself with pillow like thick physics and chemistry ABC books. Belonging to science and biology clan, I gave myself completely to literature only after pursuing BA (Hons) from Lady Sri Ram College. It was an amazing place that enriched me with a better sense of the world I belong to.

When did the idea of publishing Nascent Poetry came to your mind?

It came to my mind exactly the day I was done with the excitement of my first two books, hehehe. I started dreaming about a better book with better poems. I soon compiled some poems that fortunately got rejected by the publisher. It gave me time to hone up my creative writing skills. Still I was writing occasionally. After some years I created my fb page called Nascent Poetry. While I worked in Gurgaon, I would edit the collection and did this a few times until the book came out.

Well, the answer sounds boring. Nobody talks like this with oneself, isn’t it?

Who are the people you genuinely want to say thanks for your book?

First of all, I would like to thank myself for staying patient in the whole process. (There wasn’t any other option waise :D, then Sufyan, who was the first person to read the first draft of my book and respond. It was very kind of him. Being himself a novelist, his words made me think better of my work and remove self doubt. Secondly, I would like to say thanks to Yaseen, an amazing person and poet who suggested me the publication house and went through my work, giving valuable advice and guidance. Then of course bhaiya, for being there for me, always. There are many more people left to be thanked. <3

What do you think are your responsibilities as a poet

I have just reached a place where I have begun thinking about my responsibilities as a poet. I have to focus more on social causes and disharmony, injustice found everywhere, giving voice to the voiceless and making a difference in people’s lives.

How do you see your book Nascent Poetry, being a student of literature?

Well, as a student of literature, I know that I need to work on making my poems better. As a record of my personal experiences they are like a balm to my heart but I have to come out of this selfism and think if these poems will be really good enough in terms of structure, creativity, imagery, vocabulary, metaphors, etc. and what effect they are going to create on readers.

What kind of reactions you receive on showing your books to others?

It’s my favorite part. Varying reactions from varying people, sweetest to quite contradictory. The best reaction I ever received was on showing it to my history teacher, Devika Sethi mam. That was a priceless moment. Once I showed my books to a teacher, in class eleventh. She gave a doubtful look, accusing me of plagiarism in her mind :D.

How did it all began?

My schooldays were quite happening, both at home and the world outside. The lanes, houses of neighborhood, swings and fairs added spice and sparkle particles to my clay like mind. Friendship lessons, stories and memories had a great impression on me. Being a middle child, I was left free to entertain myself and devise new and creative ways to make everyday eventful.

It was in class 5 that I wrote my first poem. There was some competition around speaking up on a particular topic. I guess it was on friendship. I was unable to prepare for it and wrote some lines on the spot. They were terrible but yes, made me feel like I was on the top of the world. Then there was poem called ‘If', that started with ‘If I could be a tiny bird, I can fly in this world’ and so on. School assemblies demanded new and short articles, quotes, etc. to be presented. I gradually began reciting my poems and clearing away my phobia of speaking in public. There were embarrassing moments that came out of trying something new but they were worth it.

Then in college, I interned with Study India and got to submit 2 articles/poems per week. This helped me to keep writing. Almost all the poems written during that time are there in Nascent Poetry. Then the cobwebs of a new city, enabled me to get lost and find myself. There are innumerable incidents of losing my way and exploring new roads.

So how is life as a poet?

It’s pretty funny, adventurous and sad at the same time. Life is unkind to poets. They are oft ignored and taken lightly. Their hearts bear the greatest number of scars. They carry the weight of the world. Love brutally slains them. Friends might abandon them sooner or later.

I have a different way from the major portion of the world population. Still, we are all the same. My habit of staying silent is misunderstood. Nobody understands me. I am oft considered rude and anti social. I am expected to chat endlessly with every woman I meet. It’s considered weird when I want to limit my interaction with na-mehrams. I am free and captivated simultaneously. I receive heart-breaks as I breathe. Still I am known to be good, given a tag of ‘nice girl'. I can’t change my innate goodness. It takes care of my peace of mind. I have lost all hopes from the world to the extent that I have accepted it all the way it is. Through words I wish to heal hearts. I am still on a nascent stage of this journey.

I am terrible in kitchen, always lost in thoughts. But when I get determined to make something, it comes out with a touch of perfection. I like to keep myself overburdened. It protects me temporarily from sad thoughts. But they still find a way to my mind. I can smile even when my eyes get filled with tears. I have learnt the art of disguising my heart’s content. But my mother gets to know it all. I like to embrace a child’s vision of the world, it’s my only source of hope.

Favorite lines from Nascent Poetry?